It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
