this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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