i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
