i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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