I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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