saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
