Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
