What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
