The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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