I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
