I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
