Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
