I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
And then my night got REAL pukey
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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