I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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