bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
