Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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