If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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