HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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