I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
