he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Randomize
