I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
How drunk are you?
Completed.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
