she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
