is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
