She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
