I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
