So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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