who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
