I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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