im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
