This dress was meant to end up on your floor
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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