You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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