Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
