i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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