Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Randomize
