His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
