He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
