WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
