Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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