YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
