He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
