Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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