I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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