I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
