woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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