You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
