dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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