oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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