I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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