im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
