I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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