mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
